Since some games aren’t played yet I thought I’d do something different. Let’s find out where teams are strong and weak in and see what they can improve on. I’m just going in order of the stands so far. The number you see in “()” are where I think they will finish. Just remember I have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s ego (unless its Galas) and take it with a grain of salt. Then proceed to take the salt and shove it in your eyes. Anyways here we go.



1st Blueline babes (1st)

Leading in wins, Goals against, and PK% I mean the only thing you guys really need to work on is more power play goals. You’re 5 of 49 at 10.2% you can do better than this. Come on. Only kidding, you guys are doing a fantastic job and have been holding first since the start of the season while carrying Gala. Keep it up you will be a tough team to beat.



2nd Battalion (4th)

Leading in goals for with 115 and the best shooting percentage needs to tighten up defensively a bit. 92 Goals against puts you in the lower end of the standings. The reason could also be that this is one of three teams that have 27 games played. With a strong power play and PK showing so far and 3 shorthanded goals which is tied for 2nd. Also leading the league in ToA but bluelinebabes are right behind you. Keep up the good work.



3rd Preferred Pronouns (2nd)

Second in Goals for and Shooting Percentage, power play goals, but first in Power play with a 34.2 looking good. 11th for Goals against and PK. Goals for will probably change and I’m sure you guys will move higher once the other teams get their games in. Stellar job keep it up.



4th Team Dog Water (3rd)

You guys are doing great, but we need to talk about something here. Y’all need a power play goal, at least one! 47 attempts and a goose egg up there. Way too good to not score on the power play. Least amount of penalties taken is great to see with 80.8% on the PK. Other than that, you guys are doing a great job keep this pace up and you’ll definitely jump some teams on the standings.



5th Bill Mays Fan Club (10th)

Looks like you guys are wining close scoring games. Which is great! 50 GA and 61 GF with a 29.7 SH% nicely done. You guys need to take less penalties. Although you’re doing a good job killing them off with a 78.6% kill, you’re leading the league in PIMs. 3rd in hits, maybe you’re taking penalties there? Plenty games in hand you can move up or down.



6th Watch Your Tone (6th)

This is a team you must watch out for when they’re shorthanded. Tied for 1st for shorthanded goals and an awesome PK of 81.1%. Other than that you guys are middle of the pack for everything else which will get you to playoffs and in playoffs anything can happen. Keep up the pressure and Freddy make a save.



7th Paddys Irish Pub (9th)

Tied for second on PPG and an impressive 32.5% on the power play teams need to be warry of taking penalties against you you’re making them pay for it. Nice job on the PK too 78.8% kill and a SHG to go with that. You guys need to find that scoring touch and you’ll be fine. Looks like you’ve had some rough series or maybe just a bad game here and there, but you still have time to work out the kinks before play offs.



8th Intimidating Word (5th)

Second in GA I’m surprised you guys are 8th right now. Luckily you still have a lot of games in hand. Penalty kill is a doing an outstanding job with a 91.2% kill and not taking a hefty amount of penalties either. You guys are on the right path and probably going to be jumping quite a few teams when you get your games played.



9th Non Compete Agreement (7th)

Not taking a lot of penalties over here, this team is second for fewest taken. 11 PPG at 20% which isn’t terrible, for this season it puts you in 4th as well as your PK at 81.3 with 2 SHGs. 3rd for ToA and making the other team play in their end is a great strategy. I mean what do I really need to tell you guys, you have Dmart and Marty listen to them and follow the game plan.



10th Mark it Zero (8th)

Third in the league for Shooting percentage while being second to last in shots. I wouldn’t even care about the amount of shots taken if they’re going in. PK might be struggling a little bit, but you have more than enough time to figure it out with 6 games in hand. I think you guys could even place higher by the end of the season it’s just too hard to figure out with so many games not played.



11th Team X Rated (11th)

I’m not here to bad mouth anyone, but I’m leaving you guys here as you’ve played your games unlike everyone else. Leading in hits and penalties, second in shots. Even though you’re taking a lot of penalties you’re doing a good job at killing them off almost to 80% which puts you in 7th. Nice job. The season is what it is. Keep your heads up you’re doing fine.



12th Mass Effect (12th)

With a big piece missing and taking a lot of penalties isn’t helping. Sorry guys just wasn’t your season this time around. I’m sure next season will be better. Again I’m not bagging on anyone. So heads held high you did your best under the circumstances.

So lets see how bad I bombed this.

1 Non Compete Agreement
2 Preferred Pronouns
3 Mass Effect
4 Mark it Zero
5 Intimidating Word
6 Blueline Babes
7 Watch Your Tone
8 Billy Mays Fan Club
9 Team Dog Water
10 Battalion
11 Paddy’s Irish Pub
12 Team X Rated


As of today before these games get played is currently

1 Blueline Babes I had at 6th (who can blame for getting this wrong gala is on this team)
2 Billy Mays Fan Club who I had at 8th
3 Mark it Zero I had at 4th
4T Paddys Irish Pub 11th
4T Preferred Pronouns I had at 2nd
6 Team Dog Water I had at 9th
7 Watch Your Tone i had at 7th (pats myself on the back got one)
8 Team X Rated i had at 12th
9 Battalion I had at 10th
10 Non Compete Agreement I had at 1st (thanks for letting me down guys)
11 Intimidating Word I had at 5th
12 Mass Effect (bombed this one too wtf)

1 Blueline Babes
They have exceed what I thought and Veds really put together a strong team. The've lost one game so far but still pulled a point out of it as it was an OT loss. Veds making it easy for his team to win with a 1.14 GAA and a strong .887 S%. Guess it's easy to win when the other team isnt scoring. To get the offense going Chum Lee is leading the charge with 20 goals and 15 assist. These guys are probably going to stay in the top 2 of the league.

2 Billy Mays Fan Club
Everyone wasn't sure where shotty was going to play this season, he made the right choice and put is ass between the pipes. With a recent addition of Kelch (who you dont draft as a goalie) this team can only increase their offense if he can remember how to play forward. Shotty holding it down with .840 S% and 2 GAA. This team is just like blueline babes where you're not going to be scoring a lot of goals against. Anderson leading the team in points with 15 G and 17 A. I don't think they're going to be jumping into first but it will be an exciting race to see who finishes 1st.

3 Mark it Zero
Knifeinyourguts trying to go back to back (yeah i fucked up in the last write up) cup wins. Their team is winning close games with 50 goals for and 42 against. Ponch needs to stop a couple more shots to get some better S% and GAA but keeping his team in there. Only four loss on the season so far for this team. Knife picking up Swizz and sending Sloth will bolster this offense and should keep winning games. Looks like he's trying trying to find who he wants Sauce to play with up front. He's got it locked down on the defensive side with himself and Hall of Fame. This team could go up but I still think they'll finish 4th.

Tied for 4th Paddys Irish Pub
Way to make me eat my words Tommy. With recent additions of NJSki and Sober Tommy looking to add more scoring depth to help out OwenWilson who has a 42.9 SH%. Almost half his shots are going in. If he can keep this up with the addition of NJ and sober pitching in this team can jump to the 3rd spot no problem.

Tied for 4th Preferred Pronouns
With being such an offensive power house they've only swept one series (you're welcome btw). Mash had to play center until recently, but i expect that to change by bringing over Sophisticated and replacing kelch with either rage or death2all. Death with a .823 S% might help this team win even more and get them out of the tie for 4th. Zero pain already has 36 pts and shows no signs of slowing down now.

6 Team Dog Water
Curdogg making sure he doesnt repeat the cold season 17 the summer is here. With more wins this season than his previous run at capt curdogg has a solid team. Dub seems to be their lucky charm with .833 win %. Ferrous with 16G and 16 A making his name known. I believe this team still has two games not played so they could jump both teams tied for 4th.

7 Watch Your Tone
Danglez looks like hes got at least one series in hand right now and a couple recent additions I dont want to hype or knock them down yet. Lets see where they're at after they've caught up to everyone else. This is the only team I got right though, so maybe youre good here. Hi Cortez!

8th Team Xrated
Surprising enough Dwagon hasnt made a lot of trades, are you feeling ok? This isnt like you. Tied for 3rd in the league for PP% this team is dangerous when you're on the kill. Even tho they are leading the league for PIMs they are killing it on the PK.

9 Battalion
Disnub having a little issue with the Barrett rule and finding someone to play those games as waivers have had to play for these games. The Penalty Kill is doing great with a 94.1%. Duckyy is doing decent back there with 3.90 GAA. Sejje leading the team with 21 Pts with only 9 games played.

10 Non Compete Agreement
This is a shocker to see this team this low in the standings. I expect them to turn it around. Dualism keeping them in it with 2.83 GAA looks like he needs some run support from his offense only scoring 23 goals total so far. Efstratios leading with 7 of the 23. Can you guys do better you're making my predictions look bad.

11 Intimidating Word
Rawb we need to talk about this. You drafted arguably the best D pairing out there and it shows with Cricket leading your team in points. Sniper keeping the GAA to 2.65 and a .803 S% you just need a goal scorer now that isnt a D man.

12 Mass Effect
A big hit to pales team with DisneyIsGreedy not playing a single game yet I can see why you guys aren't doing as good as you should be. When he returns I'm sure you guys will turn this season around. There's still enough time to get back into and get to that number one spot.

We’re back again. Today, to write the obituary for Mass Effect. Pale’s bidding left many of us confused and curious about what the fuck he had put together. The boys of Mark It Zero got the first shot at Commander Pale and his band of merry goobers.

Let’s meet the Reapers of 239.

LW - S a u c e x91

C - Slothual

RW - Schwatz83

LD - KNIFEinYOURguts

RD - l HallofFame l

G - ponch x29

Game 1
Sub out Swagg and Nick, sub in Schwatz and Sloth. ME takes an early lead off the stick of Howling Star. That lead lasted, oh, about 57 seconds. I tossed a simple breakout to Schwatzy, he skated it to the front of the net, and Mass Effect kindly put the puck in for us. Sloth made himself known during the second, banging in a pair from Schwatz. HoF finished the period off with a goal of his own, with just 2 seconds left. The third was a bit more competitive, with both teams scoring 3 more. Sloth finished his hat trick, while HoF & Schwatz picked up a brace of goals each. 7-4 W (1-0 MIZ)




Game 2
Mass Effect clearly struggled to contain the MIZ firepower. Maybe game 2 would be different.




We brought the puck from home, so we weren’t planning to share. *BANG BANG* Sloth and Schwatz have a Saucey appetizer and put the good guys up 2-0 in the first 12 minutes. Howling Star made it look like they knew what was going on, when he picked up a blocked shot and tickled the twine. *BANG BANG BANG* All three MIZ forwards tally a goal in the 2nd period, all three coming off defensive takeaways.



Don’t fuck around with the puck too long, Kenny Wu, our fast break is dangerous. Pale and co learned the hard way. 5-1 W (2-0 MIZ)



Game 3
7 minutes in, Schwatz dekes and feeds Sloth for a tap in. In pale’s words, “yep. Shit.” The forwards broke loose in the 2nd period, with each scoring 1 of 3 goals in 1:45. 4-0 early in the 2nd. Schwatz scored his 2nd following a shortie from Gagoots.



Gotta admit, I was impressed with Mass Effect in the 3rd. They came out chomping at the bit, scored early, scored late, and managed to get the game to within 1 inside the last minute. Unfortunately, they arrived too late to salvage any points, and for a 2nd straight series, our opponents were forced to Mark It ZERO! 5-4 W (3-0 MIZ)





SERIES STARS
#3 Slothual - 7g3a, 1 GWG
#2 S a u c e x91 - 2g13a
#1 Schwatz83 - 6g8a, 2 GWG

SERIES HIGHLIGHTS


EDIT: Fuck the twitch embed

Pre-season dick-riders could not contain their 239 nostalgia boners. Seeing a team with DMart, Marty, Wizz, Cougs together, it was certain among pundits that this team would go 33-0 and sweep their way to the cup.



Let's introduce the spoilers of Mark It Zero.


LW - Nickify


C - McSwaggerx92


RW - S a u c e x91


LD - KNIFEinYOURguts


RD - I HallOfFame I


G - ponch x29

We expected their best. We expected their brightest. They didn't show up.



Game 1
The pressure of being the best team ever gets to NCA quickly, as they take a penalty off the opening faceoff and another a minute later. We score a goal on the 5 on 3, then another late in the period short-handed. Obviously, pass-first Sauce scores both. Ponch and the backcheck clamp up tight and only allow 1 goal. Sauce wraps up his hatty late in the 3rd with an undressing of poor Magilla and Dualism. For good measure, Sauce snipes Dualism 1 more time. 4-1 W (1-0 MIZ)



Game 2
A much tighter affair. 18 total shots between the two teams and a strategy that could only be described as "For the love of God, shut Sauce down!" was employed by NCA. Didn’t make a difference, with Nickify and Hall of Fame opening their bank accounts in the 1st and 2nd periods respectively. Wizzy finally broke loose for a wrap special that Ponch got his pad to just as it broke the line. Not to be outdone, Nickify put his 2nd away with an even more special wrap. A late Wizzy cut and goal gave NCA life, only to have it snuffed out by a penalty with 1 minute to go. Sauce had no points, yet we still won. Imagine! 3-2 W (2-0 MIZ)



Game 3
The first 30 minutes of the game included exactly 0 goals. The deadlock was broken after an HoF penalty and a soft wrister from the point that bounced off of yours truly and into the net. NCA took their first lead and everything was right in the 239iverse. Or was it?



When Sauce is cooking, someone is eating. In game 3, that was Swagg. A simple tap-in off a delicious dish from Sauce, late in the 2nd, tied the game. In the 3rd, Sauce fed Swagg up the middle, and #92 didn't waste the breakaway, burying the GWG on his backhand. Defense and goalie held up, and for a 2nd time in the series, NCA was held to a single goal and swept out of our arena. 2-1 W (3-0 MIZ)



Series Stars
3rd - ponchx29 (1.33GAA, 88.2% sv)
2nd - McSwaggerx92 (2g4a, 27 hits, 1GWG)
1st - S a u c e x91 (4g2a, 19hits, 4 goals in G1)

Top Plays of the Series




Back at you soon with the write-up for our 2nd sweep of the week.

Power Rankings of some of the worst team names I’ve seen yet. I mean I hope you guys put more effort into your draft than you did in your team names. I put little effort into this just like your parents raising you. Someones got to be ranked last this is a tough season with some great teams so go cry to someone else where you ranked or exceed what I put and make me eat my words. Just remember this is from a shitter on waiver so this isn’t close to being accurate at all. With that said, let’s get it started.



1 Non Compete Agreement

Dmart/Marty I’m not sure if Marty is going to be playing a Silva role here or not. The one thing you don’t do in the draft is let Dmart get who he wants for cheap, but apparently no one did that as Dmart got who he wanted, and no one stopped him. This team is going to be dangerous no matter the night. Dmart can manage his lineup no problem and you should be ready for a lot of gifs in the chat. This is my team to win it all.



2 Preferred Pronouns

Mash and Levans split up this season will be a nightmare no matter which one is sitting. For the first time klech won’t be the loudest voice in the party as he’s goal tending and “will be muted the whole time”. This will be an easy top 3 team every week and will more than likely dominate.



3 Mass Effect

Pale I believe is playing D this season, but when your D partner is DisneyisGreedy you can have anyone back there and still compete. If Pale isn’t playing D get ready for the 8’10” powerforward who’s going to handle the puck and distribute or score. I was going to put them 1 over all for the memes but I still feel like this is a strong team.



4 Mark it Zero

Knifeinyourguts put together a well rounded team here. A great pick up for a D partner in HallofFame and a scary offensive line of sauce swag and I think schwatz and sloth rotating out? Nicky or ponch or whatever the fuck he goes by will be holding it down and keeping this team in the game every game.



5 Intimidating Word

To be honest I don’t know who the captain is of this team. I think its Rawb. This is going to be a tough team to score against with Cricket and FDM back on D. Forward line is going to be awesome as well. I
think this team will be the team with the least goals against especially with sniper between the pipes.



6 Blueline Babes

Veds first off you overpaid for gala, come on man be better than that, I know you’re still young and learning. With that said this you still put together a great team (even with gala on it). Grabbing Dutch imnotevengood and Kaberle helps fill out the team with rookies Chumlee and Swaggy who are no slouches and will a solid competing team every night.



7 Watch Your Tone

Danglez will be looking for revenge this season with that first round exit last season. Bring back Schielf a strong goalie, heavily beefing up his Defense with Odd and himself back there. A strong set of forwards that will be tough to keep contained.



8 Billy Mays Fan Club

Master Shotgun went out and got the best goal scorer out there supriseme. Cortez in net pt with shotty himself rotating? Anderson will be a huge help to the team as long as everyone turns up his voice so you can hear what he wants to try to do. Tribe the nonfrenchie and gyneman will be a great pairing it wont matter who they’re guarding in net.



9 Team Dog Water

Lead by Curdogg who is playing? Looks like Curdogg is trying to get lighting to strike twice after winning in MHL tried to get all his guys over here and trying to win here, I think someone stole one of them and picked up See Dub who’s never a bad option to grab. Solid team should be able to win more than 4 games.



10 Battalion

DisNub picked a solid rookie goalie, Dvetts is an awesome d man to have. Forward line is going to be a handful to keep off the score board with Sejje swizz disnub and rotating in barrett only adds to the damage this team can do.



11 Paddy’s Irish Pub

Thomahwak looking to go back to back. I’m not sure this is the team you’ll do it with. AT43 and Owenwilsonsnose will be difficult to defend against and will be even more of a threat if x88x Kane will be up with them. Even if he’s playing back, he’s still a threat.



12 Team X Rated

Fwaming went out and got a solid goal tender who is a beast. Picking up BLK and NJSki are solid linemates to help balance the scoring. Upshall back on d with the rookie thegreech I think? How do you have sober on the bench tho? You guys play the same position why hinder yourself and him by picking him up? I think you left like 20 something bods on the floor. Not that you don’t have a good team but you could have been better.