PART 2/2
Disnub – The criminally undervalued C/LW in his 239 Junior season is making his 239 Captain debuts. Nub is anything but a nub on the Dot or LW spot. Can move the puck with the best of this captain's class. Almost always will be in the right spot for you and has a little bit of scoring punch as well. I would expect his team to be one foreign to 239 vets with plenty of new-ish 239 players. He will value other laid back, unselfish players who zip it around on the ice with all 5 guys.
NHL Comp: David Perron

Gala – The man who carried Mash, Sauce, Hergy and others the last few seasons is making his 239 Captain debuts as well. Gala is a versatile captain who can place himself anywhere in the lineup besides net. Has strong hockey IQ and if his thumbs are moving fast enough to do what he wants he’s a problem out there. Good finishing ability on the offensive end but can also hop back and play some decent D as well. Look for Gala to go big on one person and then take people he’s familiar with from club games.
NHL Comp: Joe Pavelski

NickyPatts – Nicky is relatively new to 239 and making a run at Captain for the first time, but he’s been around the 239 block enough and other leagues plenty enough to know how to assemble a good squad. On the ice Nicky is a 2way player with strong hockey IQ. Can play any of the 6 positions which is a huge bonus come draft night. His best spot is likely at C where his 2way game and positioning can shine. Look for Nicky to swing big on one stud and then use his scotch drinking, facial hair stroking, cigar puffing wisdom to balance out a squad from there.
NHL Comp: William Karlsson

LL Cool Sam – Sam is the one lock as a Goalie captain for this season. Sam is making his captain debuts as well and has proven himself to be one of the stronger tendy’s in the league in his first 2 seasons here. You arent going to catch Sam sliding and giving up the short side cheese. Will make you make a play to earn a goal which is all you can ask from your G. Has that QC ping. I would expect him to have a team of almost all newer players to the league and build himself a good D corps. Could swing on a top stud D.
NHL Comp: Carey Price

Cob – The pro rapper/producer puts down the mic for a sec to ty his hand at Captaining in 239 for his first time. Cob is one of the strongest captains in the class. He moves the puck very well in the offensive zone. He also has good puck carrying ability to get over the blue line against traps/stud D. He also has QC ping. On draft night look for Cob to do what he can to get at least a handful of his homies he likes to club with. Cob knows quite a few people so will have a backup plan if he can't get all his ringers.
NHL Comp: Willy Nylander

Jonmonkey20 – We got a doctor in the captains list this season to offset having so many idiots like Kelch and Gala also on the list. Jonmonkey is a nice scoring winger who can move around the Forward lineup as well when needed. Plays aggressive and gets to the net. Not afraid to shoot his shot. Decent puck moving skills as well. On draft night Jonmonkey I hope assembles the all-medical team. Look for him to take Nik, Drug, Gyne etc and whoop all our asses from their poolside big screens and country clubs.
NHL Comp: Joel Farabee

KnifeInYourGuts – Knife is a 239 vet at this point but is trying his hand at captaining for the first time. Knife is a versatile captain who can move around the lineup but likely drafts a team where he plays D. At D he is steady as she goes. More of a defensive type than scoring type on the back end who will shut down the net drives and cuts and make the smart pass out. Look for him to have a mix of vets and new comers and I think swings big on a D partner to go with him.
NHL Comp: Mark Giordano

Danglezx10 – The least ugly member of ITC hops out of the broadcast booth and into the Captain chair here in S19. Danglez is a former winger who turned LD last season. He is strong at both spots and can draft a team based on BPA/BDealA. If he stays on the back end again, he brings his squad a reliable 2way game with strong ability to carry and break a puck out. Strong hockey IQ. Still getting better and better each series back there as well. On draft night I think Danglez snakes some good deals, he’s seen pretty much all the 239 vets and knows a lot of newcomers to build a balanced team.
NHL Comp: Tyson Barrie

ALRIGHTYYYY 239 homies that’s another season in the books. Season 18 concluded last Thursday with NDA led by the Captain/GM duo of Dmart and Dom Silva taking home the coveted 239 WWE Belt with a cast of 239 vets 4-1 over Hergys Chinese Finger Traps. Congrats to Dmart, Dom, Dub, Wizzy, Eso, Lime, Cortez, Figo, Ability, Agent and Zlow on a great season, proving yet again the vets can still wipe out all the new kids on the block.

Enough about them though, they're all off on vacation until season 20 and we have a Season 19 Draft one week away!

With a new season comes a brand-new list of captains. A new list of Captains means another cameo from the hockey-savant-creepy-fuck known as PIERRE MCGUIRE


Hi there, Pierre here back again to tell you how much useless shit I know about people in 239. Want to know what Kelch had as toys when he was 6? Pierre’s got you covered. He had none. Need to know what Cob’s mom made him for dinner on his 9th Bday? Pierres got you again, it was Poutine. Jonmonkeys kindergarten GPA? 4.0. Need someone to be awkward and creepy and not know when to shut up? Clearly Pierre’s got you covered. Want a Season 19 Captains Breakdown? PIERRES FAWK’N GOT YOU, HERE WE GO

(In case your new, this is your S19 Captains, their player strengths, draft prediction and NHL Comparable)
PART 1 of 2
Ozzy9041 – Ozzy is a 239 vet and will draft a team that has him at RW. Ozzy is a potent offensive force with good moves and good scoring ability. Likes to fly up the wall and look for moves into the middle to get his shit off. I think Ozzy goes with mostly known commodities and other vets in the draft. Look for Ozzy to get himself a solid G and a running mate at C.
NHL Comparable: Chris Kreider

Young Kelch/Ian - Ian is the GM of the team. Thank god cause Kelch is dumb. You won't see Ian this year on ice but he will make sure Kelch doesn’t fuck it up. Kelch is now a LW after a few months grind to get better. He has thumbs to make up for his Texan hockey IQ. A good facilitator of the puck on the cycle and defensively strong at the wing position. He can aslo LD where he hits with the best of them. Kelch builds good teams, look for him to build a balanced team with one potent scorer to carry the O.
NHL Comp: Tom Wilson (Kelch). Mike Milbury (Ian)

Master Shotgun – Another 239 vet and multiple time captain. Shotty’s best position is G. We all know, so does he, BUT do not sleep on him at skater if he puts himself there. Shotty is solid positionally after watching from the pipes all those years. Reliable 2way game. He has aggression on net drives and will finish. I think shotty will throw his bods at one of the more expensive players in the draft and then go BPA/BDealA. He’ll have a mix of new and old blood.
NHL Comp: Marc-Andre Fleury

The Thomahawk – Thommy I would expect to be one of the stronger Captains this season. Another vet to 239 and will know the player pool fairly well to get himself deal. Thommy is a versatile player but best on the Wing. Solid 2way game and finisher. Has pretty good moves to get through crowded areas and maintain the puck. I would guess Thommy goes for mostly vets that he has chem with maybe 1-2 hot new toys to complement.
NHL Comp: Ryan O’Reilly

Alright, after the whole fiasco that was the trade deadline and some captains who ran poopy teams (YoungBuff) pretty much giving their good players away, here's a ranking/analysis of the teams heading into the last few weeks of the season.

Brokeback Mountaineers
Standings-1
Here we have the #1 overall team thus far. Led by captain (And points/goals leader) Mashotpa, this team has been clappin' since the start. After signing up for the MakeAWish foundation and getting gifted Thamps for a "waiver" (Vizh was traded for him, and while I think Vizh is a solid starter in this league, he was on waivers this season) Mash looks to have improved his already first place team. The forwards are Mash, Levans, and Thamps, and I don't see a hole there, so they'll probably keep scoring at a high place. At tendy, they have the one and only Bcripps(Who I believe Mash didn't have to give up much for either) so they can not only score, but Cripps can steal them games as well. The only questionmark is their defense, who has BobbyBanner(who I don't really know) and ol' Yambag, who's ego is growing at an alarming rate, along with the Yambag Island pic. If this team can continue to score at a high rate, I don't see them slowing down anytime soon. Most goals for, 2nd least goals against, quite the combo.

Doras Backpack
Standings-2
This is a bit of a surprise to me (and probably to most) but Swizzy has firmly planted himself as one of the top teams this season. Forward wise, they have a solid lineup of Swizz, Barzy, and Zero Pain, and they have scored the second most goals as a team. Defensively, they have Flode and Myke Zero, who along with their goaltending and all around team defense have allowed the least goals in the league. At tendy, they have Death2All, who is in the Vezina conversation so far this season. They also picked up Thomahawk, who is a good player to have if you need a fill in at forward. Having played them our first series of the season, I can tell you they play super annoying, trap and play good team d, and have playmakers all around that make it tough to play against, which is why they are where they are. Good to see Swizzy being successful this season when I'm sure many people had their doubts. Go Bills.

Now We Go
Standings-3
Hard to be objective here, but this is my team. All I'll say is, we clap sometimes, other times we get clapped. Falzax has been playing on 100+ ping most of the time, but looks like a good contender for the Calder. Shoutout to Glex for averaging the most points of any dman(by far) who should absolutely be in the norris conversation based on +/- and points per game alone, despite being part time. Chitown has been a stud in net when he pays attention, and if we can get the right waivers when we need em, we will continue to do well. I think we are doing pretty well considering we had a death on the team(shoutout to Sensei Dropshot, keep your eyes pealed for info regarding his memorial service)

Chinese Finger Traps
Standings-4
Here we have Hergy and co, who have been towards the top all season. They have a few part timers, which probably disrupts their chemistry a bit, but having a top forward in Hergy and a top Dman in RapidCalf makes them a threat on both sides of the ice. If they have the right players out there, they without a doubt have a top 5 team, the only question is can they still compete with certain part time guys out there. They recently picked up Jehtie as a pt rw, so maybe that will help them out down the stretch, Hergy is one of the more talented captains in the league, so I definetly would not sleep on this team.

239 Globetrotters
Standings-5
This is the team led by Pale and Croydon, and a team I have not had the pleasure of playing against yet. They were also the benefactors of the trade deadline fiasco, and obtained a top dman in Hall of Fame for very little, which will only solidify their push to make it deep into the playoffs. Another team that now has a top player on both sides of the ice (SauceWalka and HoF), they play solid team defense (TRAP TRAP TRAP) and are in the top 5 of least goals allowed. Think they are another team that will make a deep playoff push and is absolutely a team you need to keep your eye on. Only question is if they can keep their RP high enough to please Croydon, although we all know Pale is the real captain of this team.

NDA
Standings-6
One of my favorite teams in the league, led by the beauty himself Dmart(and Dom, although he's mostly their for his good looks and quick wit) these guys went with the heavy part time strategy, so you really never know who you'll see on the ice when you play them. They have good talent all around the ice, including the stud that is TheLime between the pipes, who can steal a game for them every now and then. The only question is can they find part time lines that mesh well before playoffs? Can Dub stay sober enough to be productive on the ice? Last, but not least, WILL DOM EVER SEE ICETIME THIS SEASON?? Also shoutout to the man Figo hope you're actually enjoying yourself this season.

Rotating Pizza Oven
Standings-7
Here we have Pogs and the boys, who my team recently played against, and I would say these guys can make some noise if they can be consistent. They have allowed roughly 10 more goals than they've scored, yet still boast a positive record, so despite being inconsistent, they've shown they can compete. They have a solid lineup all around, but with no backups or depth, they better hope everyone can make every game.

Backdoor Bandits
Standings-8
After a hot start, Ozzy's team seems to have simmered down and sit currently in 8th. Judging by the stats, they're still a top team as far as goals against, but scoring seems to be their issue. If they can figure out how to score more consistently, they should be able to get back on track. They have the man that is COUGAR HUNTER, so with a guy like that, you always have a chance. Maybe if he started dunking more you guys would have more success.

These are the top 8 teams standing wise. I will do another post later with the remaining 8 but I have to poop amongst other things, so I shall return. Keep in some of these teams have games that were rescheduled, so the standings could flip very quickly.

February 10th, the year of our lord 2021. It has been exactly 1 week since Mash has made any roster adjustments, a new season high. He has seen fit to allow only myself and BobbyBanner to survive his roster holocaust, praise be to our fearless leader. After 3 straight overtime losses in our last series, the Brokeback Mountaineers would look to get things going against the new look Mighty Ducks, fresh off a series loss to Dora's Backpack in which some of the nicest goals Kelch has ever seen were scored. Now the starting line ups:

For YOUR Brokeback Mountaineers,

At G, a man who needs no introduction, Mash chose him over a multi-year friendship, it's Bcripps!


At LD, owner of islands and blamer of controllers, Yambag!


At RD, the 1 bod God and known survivor of Mash's roster purification operation, BobbyBanner!


At RW, another 1 bod God, compliments of McDollarMenu's waiver wire, Vizh!


At LW, he broke his neck in a car accident and still put up an 8 point game, Captain Mash!


At C, I've recently invested in year round property on Mash's coattails, ya boy ovens


Now let's meet the "Mighty" Ducks:

At G, Superstar!


At LD, Young Kelch!


At RD, DerekGNR!


At LW, JonMonkey!


At RW, Schwatz!


At C, captain Jelly!




Game 1: The Mountaineers strike early in the 1st on a Mash snipe (this will become a theme throughout the night). Jonmonkey ties it up near the end of the 2nd period after a nice long pass from Jelly. Tied heading into the 3rd, Mash streaks down the boards in the 3rd and picks his usual corner to put us up 1. Minutes later, a turnover in the neutral zone springs levans on a breakaway for the dagger, 3-1 win for the Mountaineers.


Game 2: A true goaltenders duel, Superstar and Cripps were both in top form keeping their teams in the fight in this one. The first goal isn't scored until late in the 2nd, when Vizh buries on a wide open net on the rush. Despite multiple powerplay opportunities, we couldn't find anymore support for a carrying Bcripps, and with under a minute to go in the game, Young Kelch comes barreling in to tie it up on the rebound. There is a glimmer of hope in the the Ducks locker room. Alas...

Captain Mash cuts Kelch's soundboard short, sniping another goal following the neutral zone faceoff to retake the lead. In what might have been the craziest minute of the series, Kelch would score again, this time from the point on a one timer, or so he thought. The goal was called off for interference. Which let's be honest, we all knew was coming. Imagine a world where Kelch scores on a point shot against Bcripps lol. 2-1 win in regulation, and the series clinched.


Game 3: This was....something. I'm not gonna type out every single instance, but this should sum up the offense;

The Mountaineers finish out the night with a 9-0 slaughtering of the once Mighty Ducks. They say that when it rains, it pours, and against their better judgement the Ducks just tried to swim through a flood of goals. Cripps finally secured a shutout we didn't blow for him in the dying minutes, and Jelly booked his team an all expenses paid trip to join Schwatz on Yam's private island for some team building exercises before next week's series. Frankly, it looks like paradise to me.
View attachment 1100

GGs in the chat boys

Ehhh whattup 239, we finally won another series after 63729 trades and transactions from the captain Fwaming Dragon... It may have come against the Pity Party but WE TAKE THOSE 'ROUND HERE.

Benchwarmers VS Imagination Station

Lets meet the cast shall we....

Benchwarmers;
At C: DutchMDK

At LW: Fwaming Dragon

At RW: Master Shotgun

At LD: Gyneman

At RD: Lappy

In the pipes: ME


And lets meet the shitty ass players on Imagination Station too, why tf not.
At C: Sniper

At LW: Mr Tough

At RW: Thamps

At LD: Schielf

At RD: Magilla

and in the pipes: Blazing J Rick


GAME 1: Game was tied going into the 3rd 0-0 im pretty sure. Both teams trade mid 3rd period goals and then Shotty taps in the gwg late in the 3rd on a pass out front and BW go up 1-0 in the series.
GAME 2: Scoreless after 1. BW pop 3 in the second period and lead 3-0 going into the 3rd. BW score a 4th and then give up 2 late goals in the final minutes. BW win 4-2 (I think, maybe 3-2 if not 4-2). BW go up 2-0 in series.
GAME 3: More of the same lol. Fwam puts BW up early, the game was a grind with BW holding a 3 goal lead and then giving up 2 more late goals to make the game close. 3-2 final and a 3-0 sweep for BW over IMS.

All 3 games played evenly as far as stats go. Shoutout to Rick in net keeping his boys in the game and Thamps for carrying the offense.

Shout out to Sniper and Mags for sucking dick... be better nubs.

BW back in action tonight against Game Misconduct. Check the action on ITC with Holly and Blaze at 10pm bitches.